Sharing His Life

Obligatory airplane selfie

We arrived in Tallahassee this afternoon and met our NBFF and her mom. They are both beautiful clones of one another with big bright smiles. We weren’t sure what to expect, as we arrived after our social worker’s scheduled hours so we didn’t have her there as a buffer BUT I had a gift with me (because that is what all good gift-givers do!) so we felt a liiiiiitle bit more confident walking in holding something. She was induced five hours before we got there, but we weren’t sure how far along she had progressed, sometimes these things can go quickly, or it may take some time. Of course we didn’t want to announce our arrival while she was in active labor: “Hi, it’s nice to finally meet you, thanks for pushing out our baby.”  We also wanted to be sensitive to her as I’m sure she wasn’t feeling well, and probably wanted to give us a good first impression (as we did for her!) and so…we knocked quietly, walked in carefully and announced ourselves humbly. Once her mom realized it was us, she jumped out of her chair and hugged us both: “We are SOOOO excited to see you!”

Phew. Our NBFF was still in the beginning stages of her induction and we were fortunate enough to not only meet them under normal, although carefully monitored circumstances,  but we were also able to spend time with them and got to know more about our baby boy’s birth family and history.

I have to admit, it has been difficult listening to all of the details and complexities of their lives and the road that has led them to this decision to give up this child for adoption. Of course it’s a tragedy, when would it ever not be? They spoke very openly and honestly about their hopes and dreams for him, mostly things that they could not give him, and we told them about our mutual plans to follow through. After we left to grab some dinner, our birth mom’s mother pulled me aside and whispered how much more comfortable she felt with the process, especially now after meeting us face-to-face, and how she thinks they will decide to continue on with our relationship after the birth with an open adoption.

YES. That has been our prayer all along, that we would be able to share our lives with another family through an open adoption. But they were always very skeptical and I can’t blame them. We were relatively strangers before today. She explained that she doesn’t want to say “goodbye” to the baby once he is discharged, she wants to say “see you later” knowing that we are committed to sending them pictures, and updating them throughout his life.  I thanked her and explained what an honor and privilege it would be to share his life with them. There have been many tears shed already, and the baby isn’t even born yet!

Right now we are resting in our room right next to theirs in the hospital. The day did not end the way I thought it would, with our baby in our arms, but I am thankful. Thankful to have been able to spend that time with them, and help them begin the healing process. I think this time will also help me be a better mom to our adopted boy. Tomorrow is another day, and is probably THE day. It’s bittersweet. Of course we are elated and over-joyed at the prospect of adding to our family, but it comes at such a price, and is such a loss for them.

Thank you for praying for us, for our NBFF, for our baby. Please continue to pray for every detail, that the Holy Spirit would continue to give us the right words at the right time, and to show them the love and kindness that Jesus would.



One thought on “Sharing His Life

  1. Kara and Hayes, I am so happy for you. Only God knows the impact you are going to have on your birth mom and her family’s lives. I hope that by now you are holding him in your arms.


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