It’s been two weeks since our match and honestly we are feeling a bit off. This process is unlike anything we have ever experienced and we have had several moments lately, awkward moments, and different kinds of thoughts, weird thoughts. Excited still – elated even – along with all of those of-course-you-are-feeling-that-way feelings that come with an approaching due date, but it’s still such a weird process and we are right smack in the middle of it.
For example: it’s weird that our baby boy is kicking inside the belly of a woman who is not me. It’s weird that I am feeling very protective of him – I find myself checking the weather in Tallahassee every morning to make sure there isn’t any treacherous weather in his forecast. What else am I going to do? It’s weird that we are RSVP-ing to events and parties and making plans for our family after the adoption is over and we are a family of FIVE. It’s weird to feel the pressure to quickly form a bond with this birth family, thousands of miles away, and assure them that we are committed and over-joyed while at the same time communicating our utmost respect for their feelings and privacy. And what is most weird is that at some point in the next six weeks, we are going to get a call that our new best friend is in labor, pack our bags, drop off our precious children, hop on a plane, drive to a foreign hospital, tell the lady at the front desk…what exactly? Hm…how would you word it? “I’m here to get my baby.” or how about: “I’m here to see my new best friend even though I’ve never actually met her…oh, and I’m going to take her baby.” and if all goes well, leave that hospital approximately three days later with a son, after not experiencing ONE labor pain. It’s ALL JUST SO WEIRD.
Everyone says that adoption is beautiful, and it IS and we have experienced amazing moments, and can see us having even more breath-taking moments like when we hold him for the first time and introduce him to Eden and Wes, but with every journey there is an awkward phase. A pre-teen season of over-thinking, insecurity, and bad hair. We have arrived, my friends. The hair is indeed, very frizzy.
My relationship with my new best friend (let’s just call her NBFF for now) hasn’t been progressing along as quickly as I had hoped – we text every-so often, and she is incredibly sweet and kind, and we even get emails from her mother, who is equally as kind and also HYSTERICAL, but I only have a short amount of time before the birth and want to establish a relationship with her BEFORE the baby gets here. This process for us is just as much about the healing for her as it is about us adding another member to our family.
To solve my problem, I did the thing that I do best: I bought her a present. Gift-giving is my favorite thing to do. I inherited this trait from my mother, the Queen of Gift-Givers (her gifts are legend…wait for it…dary. Hello Ugg rain boots). In my first conversation with my NBFF she told me that our baby has a sweet tooth and craves Samoa Girl Scout cookies (easy!) I chased down one of my friends (whose daughter just so HAPPENS to be the cutest little girl scout) and collected two boxes for her care package (thanks Christina!) I also raided TJMaxx and found a beautiful scarf, a lightly scented candle, and some fun nail polish. She’s going to like it, right? I mean who doesn’t like scarves? Candles? Cookies? My hope is that she will get this box full of goodies and feel comfortable enough with us to respond openly. I also wanted her to know that she is appreciated, and that God loves her and that we are praying for her. That’s easy enough to convey, so I grabbed my box of blank cards and sat down to write: crap. I know what I want to say, but how am I going to say it? If I say too much, she’s going to think I’m crazy and over-eager, and if I say too little, she’s going to think I’m not committed and don’t care. After a quick prayer, 20 minutes of thought, and three drafts, I sent something that I think is a well-balanced care-a-lot-about-ya-but-not-in-a-creepy-way note to my NBFF.
Weird right? And SO awkward! Never in my life have any of my other BFF’s been so high maintenance…although, some of us DID go through some pretttttty awkward pre-teen phases (ahem Hayes) but look at the beautiful flower he turned out to be?!? We trust that God will follow through, and make this experience every bit as “worth it” as He has promised and these moments of insecurity and awkwardness will be nothing but a distant memory, much like my hair before Frizz-Ease. Try not to be jealous.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6
2 thoughts on “Our Awkward Phase”
Oh Kara, love your posts. You and your family are covered in prayer, along with the birth mom and all those who are walking beside her. What a journey.
Kara, I think you could make anyone feel comfortable…you have that gift. I am sure your NBFF will feel so blessed by you. Will be praying for your relationship with her and her family as I pray for the baby and Eden, Wes, Hayes and yourself in this journey. Love your honesty and am feeling so fortunate to watch your family grow through your blog. 🙂